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[Imagine that!]
2) Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]
3) Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]
4) Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I w ipe thoroughly!]
5) Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]
6) Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]
7) Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
8) War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
9) If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]
10) Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]
11) Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]
12) Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
13) Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
14) New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]
15) Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas
in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
16) Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
17) Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
18) Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
19) Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
but there is one missing.........
great stuff LOL
