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29 tech phrases you should be punched in the face for using


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#1 Nvyseal

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Posted 20 February 2009 - 06:16 PM

In an ideal world, anybody using these expressions would be punched in the face by their PC; for now, we'll have to make do with mocking them instead.

1, 2 and 3. Tweeted, Tweetup and Tweeple
What are you, four? The only person in the entire universe who can get away with this is Stephen Fry. Everyone else deserves to be pelted with bricks.

4. Any -sphere
Twittersphere, blogosphere... what's wrong with saying "everybody"?

5. M$ (and Micro$oft, MicroShaft, Windoze...)
How to lose an online argument in one simple step: use M$ when you mean Microsoft.

6. Sheeple
One of the smuggest, most annoying words that's ever appeared online, sheeple is used patronisingly by the same people who think it's clever to write M$, Micro$oft, Windoze or MicroShaft. It isn't.

7. Crowdsourcing
"Why don't we crowdsource it?" Or just ask people. Same thing. Much less annoying.

8. I can haz
This is only ever acceptable if you're a kitten, or a walrus.

9. n00b and all other forms of l33t speak
Used to be funny. Isn't any more.

10, 11 and 12. teh intarwebs, t'interweb and t'internet
Some people say these terms are okay if you're using them for comic effect. Those people are wrong.

13. pwned
The older you are the, the more embarrassing this one is. Look! Granddad's dancing to grime!

14. Sent from my iPhone
You can change this, you know. And you should. Now. Now. DO IT NOW.

15. Writing IN CAPITALS
This is only acceptable when you're writing the fourteenth item in a list.

16, 17 and 18. Facebook Me, Friend Me or Tweet Me
Yeah! And we'll do some blue sky thinking out of the box and run it up the flagpole!

19. Rig
Is your PC in the sea, drilling for oil? No? Then it is not a rig. It's a PC.

20. Gratuitous LOLs
LOL is bad enough - more often than not you did not laugh out loud, so why say you did? - but when you lol start putting lol in the middle of sentences lol for no lol good reason it makes everyone think you're a bit thick. LOL.

21. Ping
You'll just "ping Dave", will you? How very hip, modern and happening you are.

22. "I don't have the bandwidth for this right now"
"I am busy" is quicker to type and to say. And it won't make people hate you.

23 and 24. Webinar and Webisode
That's "seminar" and "episode". We don't talk about "hotelinars" or "tellysodes", do we?

25. Eat our own dog food
What's wrong with "practice what you preach"? Eating your own dog food is just horrible, even if - especially if - you're in the dog food business.

26. Anything 2.0
Version 2.0 is fine if you're talking about software or a reasonably good Garbage album. Sticking the 2.0 suffix on anything else is just pretentious and, dare we say, passé.

27. Citizen anything
It's not meant as an insult, we know, but whenever we see the word citizen stuck in front of something it makes us think of somebody patronising a little person. "Oh, you're a citizen journalist, are you? How clever you are! Here's a biscuit!"

28. Ppl, srsly and other semi-literate abbreviations
They don't save any time and they're harder to read. Unless you're trying to cram an entire novel into a single SMS, what's the point of using them?

29. Reboot
Are you talking about rebooting a computer? Fine. Are you talking about rebooting something that isn't a computer, such as a movie franchise, or a meeting, or America? That's crazy talk!

Techradar

#2 Sphere

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Posted 20 February 2009 - 07:29 PM

View PostNvyseal, on Feb 20 2009, 07:16 PM, said:

4. Any -sphere
Twittersphere, blogosphere... what's wrong with saying "everybody"?
I somehow disagree slightly

#3 eniparadoxgma

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Posted 20 February 2009 - 07:36 PM

View PostNvyseal, on Feb 20 2009, 01:16 PM, said:

9. n00b and all other forms of l33t speak
Used to be funny. Isn't any more.

10, 11 and 12. teh intarwebs, t'interweb and t'internet
Some people say these terms are okay if you're using them for comic effect. Those people are wrong.

13. pwned
The older you are the, the more embarrassing this one is. Look! Granddad's dancing to grime!

If I'm playing FPS games online, I don't care if I'm 75: I'll still be telling the n00bz I pwned their faces.

And I'm still fond of referring to "the ol' intrawebz". It gives it that old-timey feel I'm looking for when discussing the internet.

Quote

23 and 24. Webinar and Webisode
That's "seminar" and "episode". We don't talk about "hotelinars" or "tellysodes", do we?

BSG and other shows (I think) have put out "Webisodes". They're short episodes of the show released on the web. What's the big deal with that (lol)?

Quote

25. Eat our own dog food
What's wrong with "practice what you preach"? Eating your own dog food is just horrible, even if - especially if - you're in the dog food business.

26. Anything 2.0
Version 2.0 is fine if you're talking about software or a reasonably good Garbage album. Sticking the 2.0 suffix on anything else is just pretentious and, dare we say, passé.

27. Citizen anything
It's not meant as an insult, we know, but whenever we see the word citizen stuck in front of something it makes us think of somebody patronising a little person. "Oh, you're a citizen journalist, are you? How clever you are! Here's a biscuit!"

I don't think I've ever heard/seen/read anyone use these expressions, but I'm also hoping whoever does use them gets punched in the face by someone...anyone.

#4 Nvyseal

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Posted 20 February 2009 - 07:46 PM

Most of these i've never heard of :christo:

I do use rig but as a piece of equipment, and lol

#5 banj0

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Posted 20 February 2009 - 08:12 PM

I agree Nvy---some of these I've never heard of either and that includes "Techradar." This smells like an attempt to get a push from digg/reddit, etc. You know how popular lists o' anything are on those 2.

#6 Roadrunner

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Posted 21 February 2009 - 02:19 AM

View PostNvyseal, on Feb 20 2009, 11:46 AM, said:

Most of these i've never heard of :christo:

No?
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

You're not a NOOB, R U ?

LOL

Well, ping me and I'll webinar u- LOL

LOL



L8tr- gotta reboot.

#7 brewin

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Posted 21 February 2009 - 02:31 AM

I agree with the list. I'd even add "blog" to it. If it were up to me we'd be calling them "internet diaries." Then maybe fewer people would have them for risk of being ridiculed. The world would be a better place for it.

View Postbanj0, on Feb 20 2009, 03:12 PM, said:

I agree Nvy---some of these I've never heard of either and that includes "Techradar." This smells like an attempt to get a push from digg/reddit, etc. You know how popular lists o' anything are on those 2.
I've read Techradar before. It's one of the better tech news sites actually. They have some interesting articles sometimes.

#8 Nvyseal

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Posted 21 February 2009 - 02:53 AM

View Postbanj0, on Feb 20 2009, 12:12 PM, said:

I agree Nvy---some of these I've never heard of either and that includes "Techradar." This smells like an attempt to get a push from digg/reddit, etc. You know how popular lists o' anything are on those 2.
Must be a place where David Letterman gets his material :christo:

#9 eniparadoxgma

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Posted 21 February 2009 - 08:55 PM

View Postbrewin, on Feb 20 2009, 09:31 PM, said:

I'd even add "blog" to it. If it were up to me we'd be calling them "internet diaries." Then maybe fewer people would have them for risk of being ridiculed. The world would be a better place for it.

Agree 1000%.

We have a winRar!!11

#10 Sphere

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Posted 21 February 2009 - 10:34 PM

View Postbrewin, on Feb 21 2009, 03:31 AM, said:

I agree with the list. I'd even add "blog" to it. If it were up to me we'd be calling them "internet diaries." Then maybe fewer people would have them for risk of being ridiculed. The world would be a better place for it.
I never call my site a "blog"
I don't like the word... it sounds like something bad...
I just call it my web-log, if I call it a log even.




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