Jump to content


Ponderisms


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 Scuba

Scuba

    I see you!

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 292 posts
  • Country:usa

Posted 29 August 2007 - 04:09 AM

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
T
he easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt ."

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

#2 m.oreilly

m.oreilly

    rog'er wilco

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 8,847 posts
  • Country:lower uncton

Posted 29 August 2007 - 04:24 AM

ah, cogent observations for all of us bound in the physical plane...

#3 brewin

brewin

    Victory is mine!

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,262 posts
  • Location:Missouri
  • Interests:Anything interesting.
  • Country:USA

Posted 29 August 2007 - 04:39 AM

View PostScuba, on Aug 28 2007, 11:09 PM, said:

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
More importantly, why do I have an OB-GYN? :mellow:

#4 Christopholofigus

Christopholofigus

    NQA-1

  • Sponsor
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,090 posts
  • Location:West Richland, WA
  • Interests:Holy CRAPBALLS! I totally remember this place!
  • Country:USA

Posted 29 August 2007 - 06:19 AM

View PostScuba, on Aug 28 2007, 09:09 PM, said:

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Amen Scuba...amen.

#5 hog

hog

    official linguist

  • Sponsor
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,302 posts
  • Location:Montreal area, QC
  • Country:Canada

Posted 29 August 2007 - 04:11 PM

Haaa, always entertaining Scuba. :mellow:

#6 Tweak

Tweak

    Established Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 674 posts
  • Country:US

Posted 29 August 2007 - 05:32 PM

To add a few I like...

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
was God and I didn't

2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10.. I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.

11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
medicine.

13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19.. Procrastinate Now!

20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

22.. STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!

23.. HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

24. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

#7 Sphere

Sphere

    The moth next to my brain is Bart, say hi to him if you like

  • Sponsor
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,355 posts
  • Location:*tap* Behind ya!
  • Interests:I'm a Dutchy, that means I'm not a German (which doesn't sound/look the same to me!) also, being a Dutchy means I'm an idiot... sort off!

    And I def. need to get a real life again... I'm bored with my current life, ideas can be pm'd to me!
  • Country:Dutchyland

Posted 29 August 2007 - 08:20 PM

View PostTweak, on Aug 29 2007, 07:32 PM, said:

2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

10.. I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.

11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

24. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
Loving these, especially numbers 2 and 10... I can so relate to them :mellow: :mellow:

#8 hog

hog

    official linguist

  • Sponsor
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,302 posts
  • Location:Montreal area, QC
  • Country:Canada

Posted 30 August 2007 - 11:09 AM

Quote

4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
I love this one!

#9 Christopholofigus

Christopholofigus

    NQA-1

  • Sponsor
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,090 posts
  • Location:West Richland, WA
  • Interests:Holy CRAPBALLS! I totally remember this place!
  • Country:USA

Posted 30 August 2007 - 03:51 PM

View PostTweak, on Aug 29 2007, 10:32 AM, said:

9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
:mellow: Great ones!

#10 Scuba

Scuba

    I see you!

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 292 posts
  • Country:usa

Posted 31 August 2007 - 12:29 AM

View PostTweak, on Aug 29 2007, 12:32 PM, said:

To add a few I like...


5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

I love that one. I found out how to fix it though; beer, sex and more beer!

#11 m.oreilly

m.oreilly

    rog'er wilco

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 8,847 posts
  • Country:lower uncton

Posted 31 August 2007 - 01:18 AM

View PostScuba, on Aug 30 2007, 05:29 PM, said:

...I found out how to fix it though; beer, sex and more beer!

:mellow:

#12 Christopholofigus

Christopholofigus

    NQA-1

  • Sponsor
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,090 posts
  • Location:West Richland, WA
  • Interests:Holy CRAPBALLS! I totally remember this place!
  • Country:USA

Posted 31 August 2007 - 06:03 AM

View PostScuba, on Aug 30 2007, 05:29 PM, said:

I love that one. I found out how to fix it though; beer, sex and more beer!
:mellow: oh oh, sign me up *looks around my wife*...come here sweety, and bring a beer with ya...

#13 Scuba

Scuba

    I see you!

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 292 posts
  • Country:usa

Posted 01 September 2007 - 04:24 AM

View PostChristopholofigus, on Aug 31 2007, 01:03 AM, said:

:P oh oh, sign me up *looks around my wife*...come here sweety, and bring a beer with ya...


:mellow: Priceless :mellow:




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users