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Ponderisms
Started by
Scuba
, Aug 29 2007 04:09 AM
12 replies to this topic
#1
Posted 29 August 2007 - 04:09 AM
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
T
he easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt ."
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
T
he easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt ."
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
#2
Posted 29 August 2007 - 04:24 AM
ah, cogent observations for all of us bound in the physical plane...
#5
Posted 29 August 2007 - 04:11 PM
Haaa, always entertaining Scuba.
#6
Posted 29 August 2007 - 05:32 PM
To add a few I like...
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
was God and I didn't
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
22.. STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!
23.. HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
24. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
was God and I didn't
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
22.. STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!
23.. HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
24. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
#7
Posted 29 August 2007 - 08:20 PM
Tweak, on Aug 29 2007, 07:32 PM, said:
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
24. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
24. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
#8
Posted 30 August 2007 - 11:09 AM
Quote
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
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