3 replies to this topic

[Scuba]

1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in
his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
--Author Unknown

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a
headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two " and "Keep away
from children."
--Author Unknown

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support
group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey

4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a
desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end
of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy

5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without
even considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry

6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should
treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they
should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the
day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger

7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when her parents took her out
in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone

8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better
verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study:
"Duh."
--Conan O'Brien

9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through
my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery

10) "I think I know how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York
said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni

11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson

12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez
=20
13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty andthat's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld

14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire
you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson

15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde

16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.
But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain

17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student!
At least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown

18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a
look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
--Dave Barry

19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease"
was taken.
--Unknown, presumed deceased (perhaps for good reason!)

20) "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer"
-- W. C. Fields

[hog]

Quote

6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should
treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they
should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the
day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger

I love it! It's nice to laugh a bit before going back to work. I missed you and your posts Scuba. Where have you been?

[Scuba]

hog, on Aug 1 2007, 12:01 PM, said:

I love it! It's nice to laugh a bit before going back to work. I missed you and your posts Scuba. Where have you been?

I was with out a connection due to my old roomate being a bum and not paying bills so i had to cut our cable and internet. That was then and this is now. IM BACK IN FULL FORCE!

[Nvyseal]

hog, on Aug 1 2007, 10:01 AM, said:

I love it! It's nice to laugh a bit before going back to work. I missed you and your posts Scuba. Where have you been?

Scuba, on Aug 1 2007, 10:17 AM, said:

I was with out a connection due to my old roomate being a bum and not paying bills so i had to cut our cable and internet. That was then and this is now. IM BACK IN FULL FORCE!

Me too, good to see you back!